my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
