Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
