right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
