I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
