Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
