I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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