matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
