it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
