none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
