i think my tv is drunk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I need moral support for this bender
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
