Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
