Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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