He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
