She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
