she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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