I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
MIDGETS
????
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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