pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
