Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
