"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
