We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
