3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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