Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
