my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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