At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
