Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
