So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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