Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
