i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
