Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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