he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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