About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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