We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
