Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize