i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
