Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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