Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
