I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
