i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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