Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
