mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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