Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
