New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize