alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
