My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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