the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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