You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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