how can u be prego again
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
