craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
