i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
