There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
