Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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