i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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