So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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