We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize