You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
