I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize