Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
