last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
