Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
FUCK WHALES
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
