apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
