1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
