ugly people sure do ruin things
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is Oprah even human
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
