I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
