Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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